UK International Adoption Guide

Uk to open doors to transracial adoption

2010-11-02T03:23:00.000-07:00

Hallelujah! The UK is moving into the 21st century with the announcement today in The Times that they are going to allow mix race adoptions. For decades these poor children have been languishing in the system and aging out without ever having the chance to find a loving family simply because the government has the outmoded idea that you cannot mix ethnic backgrounds in adoption. Surely the most important thing is that a child has a chance to lead a normal life. And that is a life with a family and all the ups and downs of family life. We hope that this new announcement will bring many more families into the adoption arena bringing joy to many childless couples.
The system still though needs to be overhauled and streamlined. Professionalism needs to reign so to the knowledge that a certain percentage of adoptions will fail and take that into consideration and account. The Social Services fear of making a mistake is criminal and has resulted in only 2300 adoptions approved last year out of 65000 children in care. Someone needs to take responsibility and step up to the plate. They may say that they are hoping to readress the racial situation but unless they make positive changes that allows for the human condition and relationships, I fear it might just be 'hot air'.
The all new International Adoption Guide will be coming 1 December
www.internationaladoptionguide.co.uk

UINCEF'S POSITION ON INTER-COUNTRY ADOPTION

2010-08-05T14:37:00.001-07:00

UNICEF's position on Inter-country adoption
Since the 1960s, there has been an increase in the number of inter-country adoptions. Concurrent with this trend, there have been growing international efforts to ensure that adoptions are carried out in a transparent, non-exploitative, legal manner to the benefit of the children and families concerned. In some cases, however, adoptions have not been carried out in ways that served the best interest of the children -- when the requirements and procedures in place were insufficient to prevent unethical practices. Systemic weaknesses persist and enable the sale and abduction of children, coercion or manipulation of birth parents, falsification of documents and bribery.

The Convention on the Rights of the Child, which guides UNICEF’s work, clearly states that every child has the right to grow up in a family environment, to know and be cared for by her or his own family, whenever possible. Recognising this, and the value and importance of families in children’s lives, families needing assistance to care for their children have a right to receive it. When, despite this assistance, a child’s family is unavailable, unable or unwilling to care for her/him, then appropriate and stable family-based solutions should be sought to enable the child to grow up in a loving, caring and supportive environment.

Inter-country adoption is among the range of stable care options. For individual children who cannot be cared for in a family setting in their country of origin, inter-country adoption may be the best permanent solution.

UNICEF supports inter-country adoption, when pursued in conformity with the standards and principles of the 1993 Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Inter-country Adoptions – already ratified by more than 80 countries. This Convention is an important development for children, birth families and prospective foreign adopters. It sets out obligations for the authorities of countries from which children leave for adoption, and those that are receiving these children. The Convention is designed to ensure ethical and transparent processes. This international legislation gives paramount consideration to the best interests of the child and provides the framework for the practical application of the principles regarding inter-country adoption contained in the Convention on the Rights of the Child. These include ensuring that adoptions are authorised only by competent authorities, guided by informed consent of all concerned, that inter-country adoption enjoys the same safeguards and standards which apply in national adoptions, and that inter-country adoption does not result in improper financial gain for those involved in it. These provisions are meant first and foremost to protect children, but also have the positive effect of safeguarding the rights of their birth parents and providing assurance to prospective adoptive parents that their child has not been the subject of illegal practices.

The case of children separated from their families and communities during war or natural disasters merits special mention. Family tracing should be the first priority and inter-country adoption should only be envisaged for a child once these tracing efforts have proved fruitless, and stable in-country solutions are not available. This position is shared by UNICEF, UNHCR, the UN Committee on the Rights of the Child, the Hague Conference on Private International Law, the International Committee of the Red Cross, and international NGOs such as the Save the Children Alliance and International Social Service.

UNICEF offices around the world support the strengthening of child protection systems. We work with governments, UN partners and civil society to protect vulnerable families, to ensure that robust legal and policy frameworks are in place and to build capacity of the social welfare, justice and law enforcement sectors.

Most importantly, UNICEF focuses on preventing the underlying causes of child abuse, exploitation and violence.

New York
22 July 2010

A new child is about to be born

2010-08-03T04:27:00.000-07:00

It does not seem more then a dozen years ago when I recieved the beautiful news that my friend had given birth to her third child, a gorgeous daughter. It wasn't 12 years but actually 18 years ago and today she is one day late on her due date of giving birth to her own little son. It is a miracle and thinking about it has caused shivers to run down my arms. This little child is fortunate as he has a loving and supportive family - but it makes me think of other 18 year olds this very day giving birth to children that have not been planned. Do they have the capacity to give their children a loving home? Are they prepared for the hardships of parenting? Can they actually afford to feed another mouth?
I know that many children will be abandoned today. Left on street corners, in parks or perhaps on doorsteps of hospitals or orphanages. It is not necessary because these children are unwanted it is more because of the practical realities of life. At 18 not many young adults have the tools and support to be successful parents. They may initially enjoy the idea but soon with the constant crying and demands find that the task at hand is too much. Perhaps they are frightened - they have not told anyone about it for fear of repercussions - they have hidden their pregnancy and now want to dispose of the child and resume their lives. Perhaps the child has come about through abuse, perhaps the father has rejected them.
The world is not perfect and human nature is flawed. And because of this innocent children are destined to live a life of hardship, deprived of that which is their right - a loving and secure family and home.
I bless the child that is soon to be born and I honour and respect those children who through no fault of their own find themselves alone and abandoned left only with their mother's wish that they will find a family who can look after them better then they could.
We are here to find those families for those lost children.

The joy of my son

2010-07-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have written on the blog as I am busy writing my website and preparing everything for the launch in September. It is so wonderful to be immersed in the adoption arena and I am so looking forward to bringing to our members all the most relevant and up to date information that will make their adoption process quicker, cheaper and easier and most importantly will ensure that more children come out of orphanages quicker.
I had one of those perfect days with my child today and I can honestly say that I am all 'loved up' about him. In the daily struggles of school, meals, work etc I sometimes forget what a complete gift he is. But today at 6 and a half he is showing such amazing signs of confidence, ability, talent. I am really impressed. We sit down to do some puzzles and whilst I am explaining to him he has already come up with the answers (thank goodness maths does not phase him). He gets onto a trampoline and starts to do pikes, we go to the park and he opens the gate for a mother and her pram, and then goes on to make friends with all the kids in the play gound. At this moment I can't fault him. He is funny, bright, talented, confident. And wise. When his friend commented that Simon Cowel was having a bad day he responded "Well, he needs to get some energy by eating his vegetables and getting to bed early. Then he will feel better, yes he definately needs to get some more sleep!"
I love him and I thank all the powers that be that bought us together.
Adoption is such a beautiful gift, how could that ever slip my mind?

Intimidation by Social Workers

2010-07-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

I think that I have heard it all now.
I have just been talking to a member who is in the homestudy process. She had a question and sent it off by e-mail to her local authority. Can you guess what the response was? Answering the question? A pointer in the direction where she could find the answer herself?
No. She received an e-mail to tell her that she is not allowed to ask so many questions!! Yes, someone at the local authorites sat down and penned an e-mail telling a potential adopter that she is asking too many questions and she is NOT ALLOWED to ask questions.
I am just laughing now, as this is possibly the most ridiculous thing that I have ever, ever heard.
Not so funny for the adopter who is totally intimidated and feels that she is living under the Stazi.
How can this be?
I cannot even write any more except How can this be??

Winner!!

2010-06-21T03:43:00.000-07:00

I must be the proudest mom in the world!! My son has just won The Most Entertaining Singer at a local music festival - the judges 3 major West End Theatre Names. How totally, totally wonderful to have others verify that the voice I hear everyday is beautiful.

At the end of the evening when all the excitment had died down and my star was asleep, I could not rest. I could not even think. I was numb. Not in a negative way but in a reassesment way. Up until this point our lives have been on of survival, success being making it to the end of the day. We have lived in the moment, dealing with events as they arise, battling with RAD, struggling with emotions and behaviour, reaffirming stability and security.

And suddenly, the doors of the future have been swung open. The challange has begun. One of the major reasons for adoption is to give a child a chance to fulfil his or her potential. Now, much sooner then I anticipated, my son has shown his potential - it is now my job to help him fulfil it.

So with happy numbness I have to reassess my role. The gaunlet has been thrown and I cannot mess up. I have to direct this beautiful talent in the right direction, I need to ensure that I do the best for him, and it is now not in my hands - his talent will flourish in the hands of others and it it my task to find who are the right others. I hope I do the right thing.

And in the quiet moments I feel a little sad, a little sad because children grow up much quicker then we ever wish for.

For more about international adoption see www.internationaladoptionguide.co.uk

Look closely

2010-06-09T04:11:00.000-07:00

I have just read these powerful words from Alice Walker:

"Look closely at the present you are constructing:
it should look like the future you are dreaming."

Keep this in mind throughout the adoption process. Often times it feels as if you are just going round and around in circles with no end in sight. There is an end and you are constructing it. It may not have been your desired way to parenthood but it is now your way and as you progress you will see that each step that you complete brings you closer to your desired outcome - that of becoming a mother or father.

Construction is a good word that I hadn't thought of before. I have always seen adoption as something linear but now I read this I am having a rethink. It is not linear, it is as the word construction implies - three dimensional. Adoption and the road to it works on many levels building and creating, enduring and fashioning. You do construct a new world and perhaps that is why this process is so difficult. Unlike your future child's Lego blocks, which stack easily one on top of the other in a natural and cohesive way - constructing adoption has no instruction manual that you can just follow, it is not intuitive and natural, it is strange and rare and odd with events and people and process that prior to this you never knew existed. But as you come across them you place them in your constuction. For each person there is a different emphasis depending on the future they are dreaming. Thus each adoption is different, each journey different, each future different.

But International Adoption Guide www.internationaladoptionguide.co.uk can help with the basics of your construction. We give you the tools and the instruction book to help you to construct your future, to guide you in the process and to lead you to your dreams.

Flame of Injustice and Flame of Hope

2010-06-02T01:55:00.000-07:00

Listening to Radio 4 whilst sitting in the sunshine traffic jam, Tony Benn's words jumped out at me. You know when sometimes you hear something and it has such resonance that you feel the words rather then hear them?

Well, that is what has just happened. In the interview referring to his book 'Letters to My Grandchildren' Benn was questioned about his optimism. He replied 'In the heart there are two flames, one for injustice and one for hope, I try to keep both burning'.

Wham! That is exactly it in one sentence - thank you Mr Benn. Those two flames burn so brightly in my heart as well. The flame burning for the forgotten children. Through no fault of their own life has thrown them a terrible injustice. And we can look upon it and say 'Oh Dear' or we can do something about it.

And that is what International Adoption Guide is all about. By helping to empower potential parents to make informed choices to complete their families, I am fueling the flames of hope. Yes, it is my hope that people can see that adoption is a positive option. Yes, it is my hope that a few less children will grow up without a family relationship. Yes, it is my hope that these children learn about love and not just about survival.

Of course, like every beauty pageant contestant, I would like to solve all the problems of the world - but you cannot fix the human. We are by nature prone to make mistakes - but let not the mistakes of the parents be a scar on the child.

I want to make a tiny, tiny difference and I can. I can help parents battle through the maze of inter-country adoption. I can listen and understand their concerns. I can show that it is possible to love a little child who comes from a place that you have never heard of. And I know that no matter what the outcome, those children will have had a chance to run with the sun on their face, the wind in their hair and a voice on their lips. I want them to speak of what is in their hearts and I will smile knowing that it is the flames in my heart that gave them that chance.

The new International Adoption Guide coming soon to www.Internationaladoptionguide.co.uk

My Little Entrepreneur

2010-05-24T02:09:00.000-07:00

I think that I will hold for very many years the vision of my six year old, pushing his trolly down the street laden with plastic cups and a huge jug of freshly squeezed lemonade. No shyness there "Lemonade, freshly squeezed lemonade. Only 20p money going to save the dolphins, come and get it, ice cold lemonade!" So proud of him - totally his idea and he managed to sell every drop, raising £3.64 for his favourite charity Adopt a Dolphin. But it was not only money that he raised - he bought smiles to many faces, made me abandon any sense of self consciousness, and quenched the thirst of dozens. Now where did the idea come from? He has always loved making shops and goes to great extremes in creating different ones and in selling anything from ice-cream to clothes to food. This is the first time he has taken an idea, followed it through and actually got something tangible in return. And he loved it. He is totally proud of himself and what he's doing to save the world.
It is the idea of enterprise that interests me and where that somes from - is it inherent or is it learned? Obviously we live in a capitalist society and he sees that at work every day, but so does every other 6 year old. How many actually take things forward? Is this something he has learned from me or is it in his genes? Or his culture or my culture?
A friend kindly spoke to her friend, a child psychologist about my son - "Oh, he's going to be angry" was her standard off pat reply - why? "Because he has been taken out of his culture". Oh that un-thought through argument! How much does a new born know of his culture? Reminds me of the adoptive couple who went to take Russian lessons, "Why do you want to learn Russian?", the teacher asked, to which they replied, "Well, when our baby begins to talk we want to be able to understand what she is saying".
Culture by its very nature is human made, and thus it is a layer that is laid on us as we grow and develop, it is values and beliefs that we confront and embrace. And yet there is something of culture that is carried through the genes and the generations. If there was an animal that I could connect with my son it would be the bear - yes the Russian bear - for his character is that of the bear and of his native Russia. I guess culture is like advertising - only half works but no one knows which half. We don't know. I guess my son will pick and choose that which he wants to embrace, that which he feels most comfortable with, and discard the rest. But as for being angry? Perhaps that is in the psychologist's simplistic text book. Life is a little more complicated and I pray that by adulthood my son has all the tools he needs to deal with his feelings of abandonment, being 'removed' from his culture, his sense of loss and any other psychologial issue. Or perhaps he will be too busy being, like his compatriots, an oligarch.

US and Russia come to agreement about Adoptions

2010-05-13T07:50:00.001-07:00

U.S., Russia Reach Deal on Child Adoptions

The United States and Russia have agreed on key points of a treaty regulating child adoptions, and a final draft will be approved this week, children's ombudsman Pavel Astakhov said.

Obama supports US-Russia adoption agreement

2010-05-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

Obama supports Russia-US adoption agreement

Tag cloud: News, Russia, Society, child adoption , World

8.05.2010, 17:05

In an interview with Russian television Saturday, President Barack Obama supported proposals for binding rules concerning the adoption of Russian orphans by American families. Russia keeps such adoptions on hold pending a formal Russian-American agreement on the matter. The suspension has been in force since early April when a woman in Tennessee put her 8-year-old Russian-born adoptee on a Moscow flight with a note on him that she was renouncing the adoption. Mr. Obama described the incident as horrible.

'Project Prevention'

2010-05-10T02:51:00.000-07:00

Fascinating discussion on Radio 4 last week with an update this morning about
'Project Prevention', an organisation in the United States which offers drug users long term contraception, or sterilisation in return for money. They are bringing this model to the UK and quite rightly there has been quite strong response to it.

I am shocked. The whole idea of it smacks of Eugenics. I studied Eugenics during my Masters and there is amble proof that shows that the thinking of the day that one must sterilize the weak, vulnerable and poor for a better society was a direct result of the pathologizing of the Jews and the consequent horrors of the Holocaust. For anyone to deny this link is being naieve. Interesting to point out that the last forced sterilization law was disbanded only in the 1960's and that was in Virginia in the States. Of course here it is 'voluntary' - cohersion, persuasion, coaxing, enticing, do not come into it?? Oh yes there is a money incentive - offering money to a drug addict. It is not a choice as money for drugs is part of the vicious cycle in which these desperate women are caught. Addicts do not think long term, they only want a quick fix and they will do anything to ensure that they get that fix be it stealing or sterilizing.

And then when they get their life sorted out and they wish to start a family - they are denied this their fundemental right as a human being.

BUT and of course it is a very big BUT - what about the children? What about the children born to addicts who cannot look after them? Who neglect, abuse and abandon them? No one wishes a child to come into the world where it will not get its basic needs met. No one wants to see children not being cared for. And there are hundreds and thousands of these children - what happens to them? And there is the rub. They grow up in institutions, foster families, care homes, on the streets. They do not have the chance of a normal life - their's will always be a struggle and they will always be missing something. But should they not exist? Because their life is not perfect does that mean that we should deny them the chance to live?? To breathe, to laugh, to think??

Who is that who thinks that they have to right to deny a child its life?

The social and welfare system could be much better, that there is no doubt. And once that child has come into the world we must take care of him or her. We must give mothers the chance to rehabilitate and we must give children loving families. But we must not give women who are not thinking clearly an enticement of money in exchange for sterilization and we cannot pretend that we are giving them a choice.

'He is born'

2010-05-04T04:30:00.000-07:00

This is the text message that I received on Friday at around 4pm - a great announcement on the birth of my Godson's son.
Such excitement at the arrival of this little boy into the world and into the bosom of this amazing family. His birth clarifies the link that already exists between two families, forming a bond that will create a positive and secure future for him. It is a wonderful feeling to see how safe and how loved this precious child is.
And a sharp contrast to those children who are unfortunate enough to be born into a family who, for what ever reason, are unable to look after them. Children born of mother's who cannot cope, who are not supported, who are too poor to afford even the basics. These children face a life path which is uncertain, vague and precarious. One hopes that there are systems in place which the birth mothers can fall back on, but in some countries these hopes will never be fulfilled. Mothers will become desperate and their children will join the millions of abandoned, abused, neglected others who litter the world today. My Godson's child is blessed and he is fortunate to have a strong and loving family who will support him, nuture him and offer him every opportunity for fulfil his destiny. For a handful of the millions of children without parental care, adoption will give them the opportunity to find a family who will support them, nuture them and give them every opportuntity to fulfil their destinty - in other words give them a chance to lead a normal life and to be part of a stong and loving family.

www.internationaladoptionguide.co.uk

Return of the Russian orphan

2010-04-27T06:18:00.000-07:00

It has taken me quite a while to absorb the implications of Torry Hansen shocking behaviour towards her adopted son Artyom Savelyev. And even now I do not quite know what to make of it all. It throws up so many of the issues of international adoption and provides no answers. It cracks open the flaws,exposes the weaknesses of this complex non perfect system and offers up questsions in their multitude.
As my universtity lecturer Kit used to ask 'How could this be?'
This is a story of the fraility of the human condition. It has touched the hearts of the world because we can all see ourselves in Torry Hansen and yet we all despise that part of ourselves. I doubt if there is one parent in history who has not, at one stage or another, wanted to walk away, but you don't. Parenthood is a committment no matter how you come by it. It is a committment for life for you and for your child and this is non negotiable. Well that is how it is supposed to be. But life does not always happen the way it is supposed to be. In a perfect world Artyom would not be needing a family, Hansen would not be looking across the world for a child, and she certainly would not be offering that poor child the same fate he has already experienced at the weakness of his birthparents. Disruption in adoption happens, possibly more often then anyone would like to acknowledge, but the dissolving of the family should be with respect, gentleness, kindness and honour.

What is so shocking in this case is that Hansen chose to be disrespectful and cruel. Not only to poor Artyom who we can only assume was doing his best in very difficult circumstances, but to world as a whole and to adoption and Russia in particular.
With complete disregard for anyone but herself she has caused an international row, put the chance of a better life for thousands of deprived children at risk, and left a sour taste in the mouth of millions.

At the root of international adoption are the principles of honour and shame - we try to bring honour to shameful circumstances. Then along comes Torry Hansen who with complete disregard turns the cart and brings shame upon shame. Shame on you.

With all the best intentions....

2010-02-03T08:14:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am signed up to the Beyond Consequences Parenting course but life kind of gets in the way and I have yet to start. My apologies for those who were anticipating my blogs as well as to Heather - but I will start this week so please keep a look out for how parenting a child with slight RAD can be improved!

It has been a very incouraging January as the inter-county adoption community came together to fight against the DCSF consultation to charge for their services. The jury is still out but many strong arguments have been put forward by the stake holders in international adoption as well as individual parents whose experience of the DCSF (always get that wrong...somehow the fact that schools comes before families is pretty indicitive of their policies) brings their blood to the boil. I pray that they see sense and decide that there are better ways to boost the government coffers then milking the handful of inter-country adopters.

Yes, only 200'applications for adoption' were recieved by the DCSF last year - they do not issue actual figures of children coming home - so we are not talking about a lot of people. I chatted to an adopter from Ireland last night and she was shocked that the UK adopt such a small amount of children from overseas. Ireland adopts around 2000 children a year. One of the reasons she was explaining to me was that you cannot adopt domestically in Ireland - she was saying that she looks longingly over the sea and thinks how easy it is in the UK. Well I put her right on that one, domestic adoption is also fraught in this country as verified by another woman I spoke to who is adopting from Russia. She has been in the domestic system for 8 years and never succeeded in adopting - well it almost happened twice - but ooops they found another family, and oh that child wasn't actually available for adoption. The more I hear of these stories the more I want to write the book/make the movie!
Haven't even mentioned the horrific situation in Haiti - next blog.

New Parenting Classes for adoptive parents

2010-01-13T03:38:00.000-08:00

I am very excited to be signed up to join Heather Forbes and her Beyond Consequences on-line parenting classes.
Heather's Love approach to dealing with children with early trauma is the only method that makes sense to me. The basis is that babies who do not have the safely and security of a permenant primary carer fall in to a fear pattern when they are faced with stress - and this fear is played out in poor behaviour. So it is not punishment that they need but to feel safe and secure. It is not an easy parenting method as it often goes against instinct but it is very effective - not only in solving the immediate situation but in the long term of creating a safe and secure world for these children.
I will be blogging about the course and my experiences with dealing with my dahling son who has slight RAD and therefore poses challenging behaviours (for example getting up at 1.20 last night and going downstairs and putting on a video and then REFUSING to go back to bed, ending with tantrums, crying, hitting, swearing and lots and lots of foot stamping!)
I hope you will enjoy the journey as much as me, I will be posting every week over the next 10 weeks and if you would like to find out more about Beyond Consequences please check out the website
http://www.beyondconsequences.com.

US Governments findings

2010-01-01T11:51:00.000-08:00

17 December 2009

Internationally Adopted Children Are Thriving, Study Shows
By Jeffrey Thomas, Staff Writer, America.gov

Washington — Even as the latest figures show a continuing multi-year decline in the number of U.S. children adopted from other countries, a U.S. government survey released in November finds that most of these international adoptees are in good health and fare well on measures of social and emotional well-being. They get a lot of attention from their parents and generally do well in school.

The survey, Adoption USA, was conducted by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services between April 2007 and June 2008 and is nationally representative. Information was drawn from more than 90,000 children who represent the nation’s 73.8 million children, including the 1.8 million who are adopted. Some key findings include:

• 87 percent of adopted children have parents who said they would “definitely” make the same decision to adopt their child, knowing everything that they now know about their child.

• More than nine out of 10 adopted children ages 5 and older have parents who perceived their child’s feelings towards the adoption as “positive” or “mostly positive.”

• Almost nine out of 10 adopted children ages 6 and older exhibit positive social behaviors.

• 85 percent of internationally adopted children have parents who reported their relationship with their child as very warm and close. In addition, 42 percent had parents who reported the relationship as “better than ever expected,” with only 15 percent reporting the relationship as “more difficult” than they expected.

http://www.america.gov/st/peopleplace-english/2009/December/200912171352251CJsamohT0.1063196.html

Consultation on DCSF charging for their services

2009-12-22T10:12:00.000-08:00

What I should be doing right now is filling in the Consultation on the DCSF wanting to charge £1775 for their services for processing a Certificate of Eligibility - it's difficult though to keep a lid on my feelings.
Since when I ask do government departments start charging for their services? Is that not what we paid tax for??
Does the Defense Department charge families for bringing back the bodies of their loved ones? Why not? A dead soldier is no longer any use for the goverment and thus bringing back the body is solely 'in the interests of the family'. I don't mean to be flippant but according to the DCFS consultation this "charge is being introduced because it is a service for the prospective adopter, rather than the child, as the child is usually unknown at the application stage". Such double standards are being used. The whole emphasis on an inter-country adoption is in 'the best interests of the child' and here when it suits them it is suddenly 'in the interests of the parents'.
And here I would like to throw in the IVF card. IVF on NHS is a postcode lottery - but if you qualify and thousands do - then your treatment - to create an unknown child - is paid for to the tune of £7000.
Oh yes, the government will pay for you to bring a child into the world through medical science but will charge you for taking in one of the children already in the world who no one can look after. To me this makes no sense. No common sense and no 'green' sense either.
But the DCSF will put in the charge in September - it has been decided and there is no strong opposition. It will not improve their service and it will put off some prospective families. The result is that a child somewhere in this world, unknown, will not find a loving family, will grow up in an institution, and will be inadequately prepared for adult life. Well done DCSF, I hope you are proud of yourself.

Open Adoption

2009-11-25T08:48:00.000-08:00

I have just listened to a fascinating Radio 4 programme about Open Adoption and not surprising there is now talk that open adoption and letter contact with birthparents may actually be detrimental to the child.

This is one reason why potential parents may choose inernational adoption over domestic adoption because the idea of open adoption does not really make sense.

Is it in the child's best interest to have contact with someone who has physically, mentally or sexually abused them, or who has neglected them? The reason why these children have been removed from their parents in the first place is because the parents could not care for them, so what positive outcome will there be to 'force' contact with these people.
They mentioned in the programme that open adoption was suppose to reveal a truth about the child's life so that hidden mistruths will not be created. But because most children who are adopted have trauma in their lives, from the hands of those very people who are suppose to care for them and who are responsible for them being in care, and the conventional wisdom is open adoption - mistruths are being created and the truth is being hidden, covered up and fabricated.

I welcome the lastest comments and I am glad that there will now be a look into the practice of open adoption and at least reveal that it is not always in the best interest of the child.

Children-in-need a commodity?

2009-11-19T13:44:00.000-08:00

It seems that there is nothing as controversial as intercountry adoption.
I have been in this world for over 8 years now - as an adoptive parent, creator of adoption support group, as advocate. I have read everything I can get my hands on, spoken to hundreds of adoptive parents and dozens of adoptees, attended lectures, organised conferences etc etc. and even now I am still discovering the subtleties of international adoption.
And I have spoken many times to the media - and this is what I find so interesting. 'Hello I wonder if you can help me - I have been asked to write this article about international adoption for Friday and I want to know....
And that is it 2 days of research and then these 'journalists' think that they know everything.
The most popular and again latest comment is that children in need are purely a commodity for desperate infertile and "Those who disagree, should ask themselves why they are not willing to give the money they would spend on that child to the community the child comes from. The impact on that child and many others in their community would be far greater than removing them from their community and adopting the child."
I love these rediculous, grand, ignorant statements. How much money I wonder will be equivalent to the loving and nurturing of a child? How much does it cost to take a child who has no future and give them a chance to have a normal life? Why is it always about money and never about love? I would like to see an article about international adoption that talks purely about love. The love it takes to relinquish a child, the love a child needs to give to make them human, the love an adult has to bring up someone else's child. Now that is a story.

No children in the UK available for adoption

2009-09-28T06:34:00.000-07:00

How many times have I heard prospective adoptive parents telling me that they have been told this? So many times. We don't have any children for you, we will not be able to match you with any children, there is no chance that we can find a child for you...
and yet the government no propose to spend £850000 arranging adoption parties because so many children are waiting in care for parents to come forward.
This last case today - can't or won't be matched because the couple is of two different races and there aren't any children that match their ethnic mix.
In todays world, in London the most multicultural city in the world - they would prefer to keep children in care then give them to a mixed race family.
This is institutional racism of the deepest kind and is costing the government thousands to keep them in care and the children the right to grow up in a loving and secure family environment. It is common sense children need families and there are families now who are available for these children but no for some outdate conventional wisdom it is not to be.
No one is disputing that there may be challenges to grow up in families where the parents do not look like you - but are they insurmountable? And the costs/challenges must be weighed up by a life time in care - we know what we would choose if we were a child given the option.

Horrific reports about Irish Institutions

2009-09-25T03:23:00.001-07:00

Listening to Radio 4 at the moment and the horrific stories of children who were placed in the institutions in Ireland and the dreadful abuse that they suffered. The Ryan Report outlines events in details. It is a disgrace - the whole complex system that was privy to what was going on behind the doors of those institutions to those little children and who did nothing. I feel such moral outrage - not only for these Irish children but to the whole attitude in this country as to 'it is better to keep children in institutions' then adopt them out to loving and secure families.
I can't listen anymore to the report it is too disheartening - but hopefully it will awaken the heardness in the hearts of the anti-adoption debate.

Permutations

2009-01-25T12:11:00.000-08:00

Thank goodness for the medical profession. In the whole adoption process doctors are the only one's who seem to understand things from both the parents perspective and the child's needs. Walking today in the park with an international adoption doctor the 'hot' topic of social workers telling potential parents that they need to use contracteptives during the adoption process. This is a discussion that has been going on in the international adoption community and there have been emotive and rational arguments going back and forward. The doctor without a shadow of a doubt said 'surely that contravenes every single human moral and written right?' You cannot tell someone to do something you can only advise them.'
The discussion did not go much further - we both understood the implications.
The rights and needs of the parents are very much looked over in the international adoption process. The UK's focus is solely on the rights and needs of the child or should that be a child as the children they are protecting are unknown? I feel that the parents and the children are equally important.
It is of no benefit to any child to have overwrought, stressed and exhusted parents just at the time when they need calm, thoughtful, attentive and kind care. That time of transition from the orphange/foster home into the family is so vital for the long term mental health of the child. But no, just when have the first flutterings of parent hood you are yanked back into the bureaucratic nightmare. Discovering changes in process that your local authorites who you have spent the last 2 years with, and a huge chunk of your child's education fund with, have failed to notify you about.
Back in Moscow my friend's return has been delayed...she still can't bring her son home to settle him in his new environment...and she has had to spend more of his eduction fund on buying another air ticket.....why? Because when she went to the British Embassy to get the UK entry visa for her son - she found out that the whole process for acquiring a visa for an adopted child has changed.
More letters, documents, downloads, photographs, payments have to be acquired, flights have to be rearraged, pick ups altered, cats back home be fed, timely bills to be paid. Imagine doing this in freezing conditions, in an unknown city, with a foreign language and script that you cannot even discipher, on your own, from a hotel room with a toddler in toe. Not only a toddler - but your child who you have only just met and don't know and who you have waited for for so long and all the personal emotions going through you that I expressed in yesterdays blog...I don't think you could have any idea.
But surely the social workers who have worked so closely with you for the past couple of years could anticipate and prepare you for and perhaps dare I suggest it - help you?
How different would it be if the 'professionals' did their job.
One can only imagine a world where the social worker calls up and says "The immigration/visa laws have changed - I am sending you an e-mail with all the details, the forms you need, where you can get them, how much it costs and what you need to do. If you have any problems or questions please do not hesitate to call."
Would that not be honouring the parent and thus respecting the needs of the child? Would that not make those first all important few days of bonding, so paramount for the child, easier? Would that not reduce the child's trauma and thus their issues of attachment and their long term mental health?
Of course it would. I understand this and you understand this. How then is it possible that the adoption authority do not?

Reflection

2009-01-24T16:48:00.000-08:00

One of the members of our Russian UK Adoption (RUKA) group has just become a Mama. She is in Moscow at the moment and has taken custody of her son for three days now. She is loving it and talking to her bought back all the memories of when I became a mother. It is the most exhilarating of experiences, but at the same time tinged with exhaustion, stress, incredibility, panic, contentment, excitement, relief and then ultimate 'Oh my God' experience.
My little boy was sick when I picked him up - he had the most terrible cold and cough and kept on waking up all night. Strange bed, strange smells, strange sounds and me! I of course could not sleep - I was too excited and wired. My days were still filled with gathering the last documents to secure that this dream was actually mine. I could not believe that this little soul had been given to me to care for and to nuture - it was such a Blessing. But I could not rest until I had every last bit of paper and was on that aeroplane heading home. And yet my whole body resonated with joy. I could not stop looking at my son, and saying those words over and over. Was it really true. It had taken me just short of three years to get to this point. In that time one of my friends had met her husband, married and had a 18month old child... and now it was my turn to be Mama.
And he knew that I was his Mama. His smile, his look, his touch.
I remember his smell, how it gradually changed from that of the orphange to his own. And his weight. I still love that feeling of his weight on my lap - a little heavier now but no less pleasurable.
I trust my friend in Moscow is enjoying the same beautiful experiences and her son enjoying for the first time loving arms around him.

2008-11-28T14:15:00.000-08:00

Hurrah! After 5 years, 11 months and 14 days for me and 4 years, 8 months and 3 days for my son we no longer subjects of the state and are once again autonomous individuals.
At last our adoption is finished, completely and totally and utterly.
No more social workers, local authorities, medical advisors, government officials, notaries, foreign and commonwealth offices, home offices, foreign government departments, district social services, orphange administration, lawyers, courts, interpreters, translators, notaries, psychiatrists, birth registries, passport issuers, embassies, visa controls, immigration officials, port authorities, more social workers, more lawyers, guardians, judges, courts, registration departments, doctors, more embassies...
AND NO MORE PAPERWORK!!!
I still can't believe it, but I feel at least one foot taller. Amazing and incredible - I never in my wildest dreams thought that it would go on for this long. If you asked me if I would start the process knowing that for almost 6 years I would be filling in forms I don't think that I would have done it. But I am so GLAD that I did. I am SOOO HAPPY being a mother, I so love my beautiful happy son.
So much so that I am going to do everything in my power to help others in the international adoption process. My website www.internationaladoptionguide.co.uk is getting overhalled, refreshed and updated. Check back frequently because in the next few months we are going to blow your mind with all the information and resources offered. We will answer all your questions in unique and dynamic ways, so you can be informed and empowered to take the first steps in giving a loving and stable home to a child who is waiting to call you mama and papa!