Uk to open doors to transracial adoption

Hallelujah! The UK is moving into the 21st century with the announcement today in The Times that they are going to allow mix race adoptions. For decades these poor children have been languishing in the system and aging out without ever having the chance to find a loving family simply because the government has the outmoded idea that you cannot mix ethnic backgrounds in adoption. Surely the most important thing is that a child has a chance to lead a normal life. And that is a life with a family and all the ups and downs of family life. We hope that this new announcement will bring many more families into the adoption arena bringing joy to many childless couples.
The system still though needs to be overhauled and streamlined. Professionalism needs to reign so to the knowledge that a certain percentage of adoptions will fail and take that into consideration and account. The Social Services fear of making a mistake is criminal and has resulted in only 2300 adoptions approved last year out of 65000 children in care. Someone needs to take responsibility and step up to the plate. They may say that they are hoping to readress the racial situation but unless they make positive changes that allows for the human condition and relationships, I fear it might just be 'hot air'.
The all new International Adoption Guide will be coming 1 December
www.internationaladoptionguide.co.uk

A new child is about to be born

It does not seem more then a dozen years ago when I recieved the beautiful news that my friend had given birth to her third child, a gorgeous daughter. It wasn't 12 years but actually 18 years ago and today she is one day late on her due date of giving birth to her own little son. It is a miracle and thinking about it has caused shivers to run down my arms. This little child is fortunate as he has a loving and supportive family - but it makes me think of other 18 year olds this very day giving birth to children that have not been planned. Do they have the capacity to give their children a loving home? Are they prepared for the hardships of parenting? Can they actually afford to feed another mouth?
I know that many children will be abandoned today. Left on street corners, in parks or perhaps on doorsteps of hospitals or orphanages. It is not necessary because these children are unwanted it is more because of the practical realities of life. At 18 not many young adults have the tools and support to be successful parents. They may initially enjoy the idea but soon with the constant crying and demands find that the task at hand is too much. Perhaps they are frightened - they have not told anyone about it for fear of repercussions - they have hidden their pregnancy and now want to dispose of the child and resume their lives. Perhaps the child has come about through abuse, perhaps the father has rejected them.
The world is not perfect and human nature is flawed. And because of this innocent children are destined to live a life of hardship, deprived of that which is their right - a loving and secure family and home.
I bless the child that is soon to be born and I honour and respect those children who through no fault of their own find themselves alone and abandoned left only with their mother's wish that they will find a family who can look after them better then they could.
We are here to find those families for those lost children.

The joy of my son

It has been a while since I have written on the blog as I am busy writing my website and preparing everything for the launch in September. It is so wonderful to be immersed in the adoption arena and I am so looking forward to bringing to our members all the most relevant and up to date information that will make their adoption process quicker, cheaper and easier and most importantly will ensure that more children come out of orphanages quicker.
I had one of those perfect days with my child today and I can honestly say that I am all 'loved up' about him. In the daily struggles of school, meals, work etc I sometimes forget what a complete gift he is. But today at 6 and a half he is showing such amazing signs of confidence, ability, talent. I am really impressed. We sit down to do some puzzles and whilst I am explaining to him he has already come up with the answers (thank goodness maths does not phase him). He gets onto a trampoline and starts to do pikes, we go to the park and he opens the gate for a mother and her pram, and then goes on to make friends with all the kids in the play gound. At this moment I can't fault him. He is funny, bright, talented, confident. And wise. When his friend commented that Simon Cowel was having a bad day he responded "Well, he needs to get some energy by eating his vegetables and getting to bed early. Then he will feel better, yes he definately needs to get some more sleep!"
I love him and I thank all the powers that be that bought us together.
Adoption is such a beautiful gift, how could that ever slip my mind?

Intimidation by Social Workers

I think that I have heard it all now.
I have just been talking to a member who is in the homestudy process. She had a question and sent it off by e-mail to her local authority. Can you guess what the response was? Answering the question? A pointer in the direction where she could find the answer herself?
No. She received an e-mail to tell her that she is not allowed to ask so many questions!! Yes, someone at the local authorites sat down and penned an e-mail telling a potential adopter that she is asking too many questions and she is NOT ALLOWED to ask questions.
I am just laughing now, as this is possibly the most ridiculous thing that I have ever, ever heard.
Not so funny for the adopter who is totally intimidated and feels that she is living under the Stazi.
How can this be?
I cannot even write any more except How can this be??

Winner!!

I must be the proudest mom in the world!! My son has just won The Most Entertaining Singer at a local music festival - the judges 3 major West End Theatre Names. How totally, totally wonderful to have others verify that the voice I hear everyday is beautiful.

At the end of the evening when all the excitment had died down and my star was asleep, I could not rest. I could not even think. I was numb. Not in a negative way but in a reassesment way. Up until this point our lives have been on of survival, success being making it to the end of the day. We have lived in the moment, dealing with events as they arise, battling with RAD, struggling with emotions and behaviour, reaffirming stability and security.

And suddenly, the doors of the future have been swung open. The challange has begun. One of the major reasons for adoption is to give a child a chance to fulfil his or her potential. Now, much sooner then I anticipated, my son has shown his potential - it is now my job to help him fulfil it.

So with happy numbness I have to reassess my role. The gaunlet has been thrown and I cannot mess up. I have to direct this beautiful talent in the right direction, I need to ensure that I do the best for him, and it is now not in my hands - his talent will flourish in the hands of others and it it my task to find who are the right others. I hope I do the right thing.

And in the quiet moments I feel a little sad, a little sad because children grow up much quicker then we ever wish for.

For more about international adoption see www.internationaladoptionguide.co.uk

Look closely

I have just read these powerful words from Alice Walker:

"Look closely at the present you are constructing:
it should look like the future you are dreaming."

Keep this in mind throughout the adoption process. Often times it feels as if you are just going round and around in circles with no end in sight. There is an end and you are constructing it. It may not have been your desired way to parenthood but it is now your way and as you progress you will see that each step that you complete brings you closer to your desired outcome - that of becoming a mother or father.

Construction is a good word that I hadn't thought of before. I have always seen adoption as something linear but now I read this I am having a rethink. It is not linear, it is as the word construction implies - three dimensional. Adoption and the road to it works on many levels building and creating, enduring and fashioning. You do construct a new world and perhaps that is why this process is so difficult. Unlike your future child's Lego blocks, which stack easily one on top of the other in a natural and cohesive way - constructing adoption has no instruction manual that you can just follow, it is not intuitive and natural, it is strange and rare and odd with events and people and process that prior to this you never knew existed. But as you come across them you place them in your constuction. For each person there is a different emphasis depending on the future they are dreaming. Thus each adoption is different, each journey different, each future different.

But International Adoption Guide www.internationaladoptionguide.co.uk can help with the basics of your construction. We give you the tools and the instruction book to help you to construct your future, to guide you in the process and to lead you to your dreams.

Flame of Injustice and Flame of Hope

Listening to Radio 4 whilst sitting in the sunshine traffic jam, Tony Benn's words jumped out at me. You know when sometimes you hear something and it has such resonance that you feel the words rather then hear them?

Well, that is what has just happened. In the interview referring to his book 'Letters to My Grandchildren' Benn was questioned about his optimism. He replied 'In the heart there are two flames, one for injustice and one for hope, I try to keep both burning'.

Wham! That is exactly it in one sentence - thank you Mr Benn. Those two flames burn so brightly in my heart as well. The flame burning for the forgotten children. Through no fault of their own life has thrown them a terrible injustice. And we can look upon it and say 'Oh Dear' or we can do something about it.

And that is what International Adoption Guide is all about. By helping to empower potential parents to make informed choices to complete their families, I am fueling the flames of hope. Yes, it is my hope that people can see that adoption is a positive option. Yes, it is my hope that a few less children will grow up without a family relationship. Yes, it is my hope that these children learn about love and not just about survival.

Of course, like every beauty pageant contestant, I would like to solve all the problems of the world - but you cannot fix the human. We are by nature prone to make mistakes - but let not the mistakes of the parents be a scar on the child.

I want to make a tiny, tiny difference and I can. I can help parents battle through the maze of inter-country adoption. I can listen and understand their concerns. I can show that it is possible to love a little child who comes from a place that you have never heard of. And I know that no matter what the outcome, those children will have had a chance to run with the sun on their face, the wind in their hair and a voice on their lips. I want them to speak of what is in their hearts and I will smile knowing that it is the flames in my heart that gave them that chance.

The new International Adoption Guide coming soon to www.Internationaladoptionguide.co.uk

'He is born'

This is the text message that I received on Friday at around 4pm - a great announcement on the birth of my Godson's son.
Such excitement at the arrival of this little boy into the world and into the bosom of this amazing family. His birth clarifies the link that already exists between two families, forming a bond that will create a positive and secure future for him. It is a wonderful feeling to see how safe and how loved this precious child is.
And a sharp contrast to those children who are unfortunate enough to be born into a family who, for what ever reason, are unable to look after them. Children born of mother's who cannot cope, who are not supported, who are too poor to afford even the basics. These children face a life path which is uncertain, vague and precarious. One hopes that there are systems in place which the birth mothers can fall back on, but in some countries these hopes will never be fulfilled. Mothers will become desperate and their children will join the millions of abandoned, abused, neglected others who litter the world today. My Godson's child is blessed and he is fortunate to have a strong and loving family who will support him, nuture him and offer him every opportunity for fulfil his destiny. For a handful of the millions of children without parental care, adoption will give them the opportunity to find a family who will support them, nuture them and give them every opportuntity to fulfil their destinty - in other words give them a chance to lead a normal life and to be part of a stong and loving family.

www.internationaladoptionguide.co.uk

Return of the Russian orphan

It has taken me quite a while to absorb the implications of Torry Hansen shocking behaviour towards her adopted son Artyom Savelyev. And even now I do not quite know what to make of it all. It throws up so many of the issues of international adoption and provides no answers. It cracks open the flaws,exposes the weaknesses of this complex non perfect system and offers up questsions in their multitude.
As my universtity lecturer Kit used to ask 'How could this be?'
This is a story of the fraility of the human condition. It has touched the hearts of the world because we can all see ourselves in Torry Hansen and yet we all despise that part of ourselves. I doubt if there is one parent in history who has not, at one stage or another, wanted to walk away, but you don't. Parenthood is a committment no matter how you come by it. It is a committment for life for you and for your child and this is non negotiable. Well that is how it is supposed to be. But life does not always happen the way it is supposed to be. In a perfect world Artyom would not be needing a family, Hansen would not be looking across the world for a child, and she certainly would not be offering that poor child the same fate he has already experienced at the weakness of his birthparents. Disruption in adoption happens, possibly more often then anyone would like to acknowledge, but the dissolving of the family should be with respect, gentleness, kindness and honour.

What is so shocking in this case is that Hansen chose to be disrespectful and cruel. Not only to poor Artyom who we can only assume was doing his best in very difficult circumstances, but to world as a whole and to adoption and Russia in particular.
With complete disregard for anyone but herself she has caused an international row, put the chance of a better life for thousands of deprived children at risk, and left a sour taste in the mouth of millions.

At the root of international adoption are the principles of honour and shame - we try to bring honour to shameful circumstances. Then along comes Torry Hansen who with complete disregard turns the cart and brings shame upon shame. Shame on you.