What I should be doing right now is filling in the Consultation on the DCSF wanting to charge £1775 for their services for processing a Certificate of Eligibility - it's difficult though to keep a lid on my feelings.
Since when I ask do government departments start charging for their services? Is that not what we paid tax for??
Does the Defense Department charge families for bringing back the bodies of their loved ones? Why not? A dead soldier is no longer any use for the goverment and thus bringing back the body is solely 'in the interests of the family'. I don't mean to be flippant but according to the DCFS consultation this "charge is being introduced because it is a service for the prospective adopter, rather than the child, as the child is usually unknown at the application stage". Such double standards are being used. The whole emphasis on an inter-country adoption is in 'the best interests of the child' and here when it suits them it is suddenly 'in the interests of the parents'.
And here I would like to throw in the IVF card. IVF on NHS is a postcode lottery - but if you qualify and thousands do - then your treatment - to create an unknown child - is paid for to the tune of £7000.
Oh yes, the government will pay for you to bring a child into the world through medical science but will charge you for taking in one of the children already in the world who no one can look after. To me this makes no sense. No common sense and no 'green' sense either.
But the DCSF will put in the charge in September - it has been decided and there is no strong opposition. It will not improve their service and it will put off some prospective families. The result is that a child somewhere in this world, unknown, will not find a loving family, will grow up in an institution, and will be inadequately prepared for adult life. Well done DCSF, I hope you are proud of yourself.
Tuesday 22 December 2009
Wednesday 25 November 2009
Open Adoption
I have just listened to a fascinating Radio 4 programme about Open Adoption and not surprising there is now talk that open adoption and letter contact with birthparents may actually be detrimental to the child.
This is one reason why potential parents may choose inernational adoption over domestic adoption because the idea of open adoption does not really make sense.
Is it in the child's best interest to have contact with someone who has physically, mentally or sexually abused them, or who has neglected them? The reason why these children have been removed from their parents in the first place is because the parents could not care for them, so what positive outcome will there be to 'force' contact with these people.
They mentioned in the programme that open adoption was suppose to reveal a truth about the child's life so that hidden mistruths will not be created. But because most children who are adopted have trauma in their lives, from the hands of those very people who are suppose to care for them and who are responsible for them being in care, and the conventional wisdom is open adoption - mistruths are being created and the truth is being hidden, covered up and fabricated.
I welcome the lastest comments and I am glad that there will now be a look into the practice of open adoption and at least reveal that it is not always in the best interest of the child.
This is one reason why potential parents may choose inernational adoption over domestic adoption because the idea of open adoption does not really make sense.
Is it in the child's best interest to have contact with someone who has physically, mentally or sexually abused them, or who has neglected them? The reason why these children have been removed from their parents in the first place is because the parents could not care for them, so what positive outcome will there be to 'force' contact with these people.
They mentioned in the programme that open adoption was suppose to reveal a truth about the child's life so that hidden mistruths will not be created. But because most children who are adopted have trauma in their lives, from the hands of those very people who are suppose to care for them and who are responsible for them being in care, and the conventional wisdom is open adoption - mistruths are being created and the truth is being hidden, covered up and fabricated.
I welcome the lastest comments and I am glad that there will now be a look into the practice of open adoption and at least reveal that it is not always in the best interest of the child.
Thursday 19 November 2009
Children-in-need a commodity?
It seems that there is nothing as controversial as intercountry adoption.
I have been in this world for over 8 years now - as an adoptive parent, creator of adoption support group, as advocate. I have read everything I can get my hands on, spoken to hundreds of adoptive parents and dozens of adoptees, attended lectures, organised conferences etc etc. and even now I am still discovering the subtleties of international adoption.
And I have spoken many times to the media - and this is what I find so interesting. 'Hello I wonder if you can help me - I have been asked to write this article about international adoption for Friday and I want to know....
And that is it 2 days of research and then these 'journalists' think that they know everything.
The most popular and again latest comment is that children in need are purely a commodity for desperate infertile and "Those who disagree, should ask themselves why they are not willing to give the money they would spend on that child to the community the child comes from. The impact on that child and many others in their community would be far greater than removing them from their community and adopting the child."
I love these rediculous, grand, ignorant statements. How much money I wonder will be equivalent to the loving and nurturing of a child? How much does it cost to take a child who has no future and give them a chance to have a normal life? Why is it always about money and never about love? I would like to see an article about international adoption that talks purely about love. The love it takes to relinquish a child, the love a child needs to give to make them human, the love an adult has to bring up someone else's child. Now that is a story.
I have been in this world for over 8 years now - as an adoptive parent, creator of adoption support group, as advocate. I have read everything I can get my hands on, spoken to hundreds of adoptive parents and dozens of adoptees, attended lectures, organised conferences etc etc. and even now I am still discovering the subtleties of international adoption.
And I have spoken many times to the media - and this is what I find so interesting. 'Hello I wonder if you can help me - I have been asked to write this article about international adoption for Friday and I want to know....
And that is it 2 days of research and then these 'journalists' think that they know everything.
The most popular and again latest comment is that children in need are purely a commodity for desperate infertile and "Those who disagree, should ask themselves why they are not willing to give the money they would spend on that child to the community the child comes from. The impact on that child and many others in their community would be far greater than removing them from their community and adopting the child."
I love these rediculous, grand, ignorant statements. How much money I wonder will be equivalent to the loving and nurturing of a child? How much does it cost to take a child who has no future and give them a chance to have a normal life? Why is it always about money and never about love? I would like to see an article about international adoption that talks purely about love. The love it takes to relinquish a child, the love a child needs to give to make them human, the love an adult has to bring up someone else's child. Now that is a story.
Monday 28 September 2009
No children in the UK available for adoption
How many times have I heard prospective adoptive parents telling me that they have been told this? So many times. We don't have any children for you, we will not be able to match you with any children, there is no chance that we can find a child for you...
and yet the government no propose to spend £850000 arranging adoption parties because so many children are waiting in care for parents to come forward.
This last case today - can't or won't be matched because the couple is of two different races and there aren't any children that match their ethnic mix.
In todays world, in London the most multicultural city in the world - they would prefer to keep children in care then give them to a mixed race family.
This is institutional racism of the deepest kind and is costing the government thousands to keep them in care and the children the right to grow up in a loving and secure family environment. It is common sense children need families and there are families now who are available for these children but no for some outdate conventional wisdom it is not to be.
No one is disputing that there may be challenges to grow up in families where the parents do not look like you - but are they insurmountable? And the costs/challenges must be weighed up by a life time in care - we know what we would choose if we were a child given the option.
and yet the government no propose to spend £850000 arranging adoption parties because so many children are waiting in care for parents to come forward.
This last case today - can't or won't be matched because the couple is of two different races and there aren't any children that match their ethnic mix.
In todays world, in London the most multicultural city in the world - they would prefer to keep children in care then give them to a mixed race family.
This is institutional racism of the deepest kind and is costing the government thousands to keep them in care and the children the right to grow up in a loving and secure family environment. It is common sense children need families and there are families now who are available for these children but no for some outdate conventional wisdom it is not to be.
No one is disputing that there may be challenges to grow up in families where the parents do not look like you - but are they insurmountable? And the costs/challenges must be weighed up by a life time in care - we know what we would choose if we were a child given the option.
Friday 25 September 2009
Horrific reports about Irish Institutions
Listening to Radio 4 at the moment and the horrific stories of children who were placed in the institutions in Ireland and the dreadful abuse that they suffered. The Ryan Report outlines events in details. It is a disgrace - the whole complex system that was privy to what was going on behind the doors of those institutions to those little children and who did nothing. I feel such moral outrage - not only for these Irish children but to the whole attitude in this country as to 'it is better to keep children in institutions' then adopt them out to loving and secure families.
I can't listen anymore to the report it is too disheartening - but hopefully it will awaken the heardness in the hearts of the anti-adoption debate.
I can't listen anymore to the report it is too disheartening - but hopefully it will awaken the heardness in the hearts of the anti-adoption debate.
Sunday 25 January 2009
Permutations
Thank goodness for the medical profession. In the whole adoption process doctors are the only one's who seem to understand things from both the parents perspective and the child's needs. Walking today in the park with an international adoption doctor the 'hot' topic of social workers telling potential parents that they need to use contracteptives during the adoption process. This is a discussion that has been going on in the international adoption community and there have been emotive and rational arguments going back and forward. The doctor without a shadow of a doubt said 'surely that contravenes every single human moral and written right?' You cannot tell someone to do something you can only advise them.'
The discussion did not go much further - we both understood the implications.
The rights and needs of the parents are very much looked over in the international adoption process. The UK's focus is solely on the rights and needs of the child or should that be a child as the children they are protecting are unknown? I feel that the parents and the children are equally important.
It is of no benefit to any child to have overwrought, stressed and exhusted parents just at the time when they need calm, thoughtful, attentive and kind care. That time of transition from the orphange/foster home into the family is so vital for the long term mental health of the child. But no, just when have the first flutterings of parent hood you are yanked back into the bureaucratic nightmare. Discovering changes in process that your local authorites who you have spent the last 2 years with, and a huge chunk of your child's education fund with, have failed to notify you about.
Back in Moscow my friend's return has been delayed...she still can't bring her son home to settle him in his new environment...and she has had to spend more of his eduction fund on buying another air ticket.....why? Because when she went to the British Embassy to get the UK entry visa for her son - she found out that the whole process for acquiring a visa for an adopted child has changed.
More letters, documents, downloads, photographs, payments have to be acquired, flights have to be rearraged, pick ups altered, cats back home be fed, timely bills to be paid. Imagine doing this in freezing conditions, in an unknown city, with a foreign language and script that you cannot even discipher, on your own, from a hotel room with a toddler in toe. Not only a toddler - but your child who you have only just met and don't know and who you have waited for for so long and all the personal emotions going through you that I expressed in yesterdays blog...I don't think you could have any idea.
But surely the social workers who have worked so closely with you for the past couple of years could anticipate and prepare you for and perhaps dare I suggest it - help you?
How different would it be if the 'professionals' did their job.
One can only imagine a world where the social worker calls up and says "The immigration/visa laws have changed - I am sending you an e-mail with all the details, the forms you need, where you can get them, how much it costs and what you need to do. If you have any problems or questions please do not hesitate to call."
Would that not be honouring the parent and thus respecting the needs of the child? Would that not make those first all important few days of bonding, so paramount for the child, easier? Would that not reduce the child's trauma and thus their issues of attachment and their long term mental health?
Of course it would. I understand this and you understand this. How then is it possible that the adoption authority do not?
The discussion did not go much further - we both understood the implications.
The rights and needs of the parents are very much looked over in the international adoption process. The UK's focus is solely on the rights and needs of the child or should that be a child as the children they are protecting are unknown? I feel that the parents and the children are equally important.
It is of no benefit to any child to have overwrought, stressed and exhusted parents just at the time when they need calm, thoughtful, attentive and kind care. That time of transition from the orphange/foster home into the family is so vital for the long term mental health of the child. But no, just when have the first flutterings of parent hood you are yanked back into the bureaucratic nightmare. Discovering changes in process that your local authorites who you have spent the last 2 years with, and a huge chunk of your child's education fund with, have failed to notify you about.
Back in Moscow my friend's return has been delayed...she still can't bring her son home to settle him in his new environment...and she has had to spend more of his eduction fund on buying another air ticket.....why? Because when she went to the British Embassy to get the UK entry visa for her son - she found out that the whole process for acquiring a visa for an adopted child has changed.
More letters, documents, downloads, photographs, payments have to be acquired, flights have to be rearraged, pick ups altered, cats back home be fed, timely bills to be paid. Imagine doing this in freezing conditions, in an unknown city, with a foreign language and script that you cannot even discipher, on your own, from a hotel room with a toddler in toe. Not only a toddler - but your child who you have only just met and don't know and who you have waited for for so long and all the personal emotions going through you that I expressed in yesterdays blog...I don't think you could have any idea.
But surely the social workers who have worked so closely with you for the past couple of years could anticipate and prepare you for and perhaps dare I suggest it - help you?
How different would it be if the 'professionals' did their job.
One can only imagine a world where the social worker calls up and says "The immigration/visa laws have changed - I am sending you an e-mail with all the details, the forms you need, where you can get them, how much it costs and what you need to do. If you have any problems or questions please do not hesitate to call."
Would that not be honouring the parent and thus respecting the needs of the child? Would that not make those first all important few days of bonding, so paramount for the child, easier? Would that not reduce the child's trauma and thus their issues of attachment and their long term mental health?
Of course it would. I understand this and you understand this. How then is it possible that the adoption authority do not?
Saturday 24 January 2009
Reflection
One of the members of our Russian UK Adoption (RUKA) group has just become a Mama. She is in Moscow at the moment and has taken custody of her son for three days now. She is loving it and talking to her bought back all the memories of when I became a mother. It is the most exhilarating of experiences, but at the same time tinged with exhaustion, stress, incredibility, panic, contentment, excitement, relief and then ultimate 'Oh my God' experience.
My little boy was sick when I picked him up - he had the most terrible cold and cough and kept on waking up all night. Strange bed, strange smells, strange sounds and me! I of course could not sleep - I was too excited and wired. My days were still filled with gathering the last documents to secure that this dream was actually mine. I could not believe that this little soul had been given to me to care for and to nuture - it was such a Blessing. But I could not rest until I had every last bit of paper and was on that aeroplane heading home. And yet my whole body resonated with joy. I could not stop looking at my son, and saying those words over and over. Was it really true. It had taken me just short of three years to get to this point. In that time one of my friends had met her husband, married and had a 18month old child... and now it was my turn to be Mama.
And he knew that I was his Mama. His smile, his look, his touch.
I remember his smell, how it gradually changed from that of the orphange to his own. And his weight. I still love that feeling of his weight on my lap - a little heavier now but no less pleasurable.
I trust my friend in Moscow is enjoying the same beautiful experiences and her son enjoying for the first time loving arms around him.
My little boy was sick when I picked him up - he had the most terrible cold and cough and kept on waking up all night. Strange bed, strange smells, strange sounds and me! I of course could not sleep - I was too excited and wired. My days were still filled with gathering the last documents to secure that this dream was actually mine. I could not believe that this little soul had been given to me to care for and to nuture - it was such a Blessing. But I could not rest until I had every last bit of paper and was on that aeroplane heading home. And yet my whole body resonated with joy. I could not stop looking at my son, and saying those words over and over. Was it really true. It had taken me just short of three years to get to this point. In that time one of my friends had met her husband, married and had a 18month old child... and now it was my turn to be Mama.
And he knew that I was his Mama. His smile, his look, his touch.
I remember his smell, how it gradually changed from that of the orphange to his own. And his weight. I still love that feeling of his weight on my lap - a little heavier now but no less pleasurable.
I trust my friend in Moscow is enjoying the same beautiful experiences and her son enjoying for the first time loving arms around him.
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